Eavesdropping on the Backseat

I've heard many fine stories and insights from my children by eavesdropping on their backseat of the car conversations. Two oldies but goodies that stick in my head were about death and birth.

The conversation about death came about when Maddie was 4 and Ben was 3, and I was just marveling at the fact that they were having an actual conversation, a real talk that wasn't about the toy she wanted that he had, or about the snack she was eating that he licked so she would give it to him (oh yes, that happened). We were headed to my mom's house, because mom had just called because she had found their cat dead on the floor, and she was too upset to do anything with him until Dad came home. Unable to let my mom step over the dead cat all day, I explained to the kids that Moxie had died and then I drove to Grandma's to take care of the matter. I can't remember the exact words or even the outcome of the conversation, but the gist of it was that cats go to heaven to be with Jesus, but they go to their own heaven with lots of mice and cat treats and no dogs. They discussed this among each other, with no input from me, and I remember being astounded that I had two little, thinking people back there, not just the babies they are to me.

The birth conversation happened within the last year or so, when Maddie heard that Jamie Lynn Spears (who Maddie refers to as Zoey 101) was pregnant.

Maddie offered, "Hey mom, did you hear Zoey 101 is pregnant?"

"What's pregnant?" said Ben.

"She's going to have a BABY! And she isn't MARRIED! I thought you had to be married to have a baby!" (Of course at this point I'm frantically trying to come up with a little talk to have with my 8 year old daughter that was also appropriate for the 3 and 6 year old boys to hear...)

"Yeah!" Ben yelled. "That's right! You have to be married!"

"Umm, well, you know..." I began.

"Hey! Mary wasn't married when she was pregnant with baby Jesus. Maybe Zoey 101 is going to have a holy baby too!"

At this point I did offer some input (basically that Zoey 101 was not the mother of the next future saviour and that she IS awfully young to be having a baby, isn't she? And Oh My Gosh, is that cow trying to climb a tree over there???) Yeah, I'm not proud of my response.

Most recently, the conversation back there was funny. We were heading somewhere, and Ben was singing a Guitar Hero song, his favorite, for about the millionth time. Jack couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "Ben! Stop singing that song!" So Ben sang louder. "STOP!!!" Louder. This went on until Maddie suggested that Jack ignore Ben. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is ignore a person, because then they will think you don't care, and they will stop," she said (so she HAS been listening to me!)

Jack thought about this for a minute then said, "Maddie, will YOU manure Ben for me?"

Okay, it was probably funnier in person, but I love the thought of Maddie throwing manure at Ben as Jack stood by, vengefully wringing his hands, muttering, "That'll teach you to sing around me..."

A Very Twisted Valentine's Day

I had (sort of) big plans for our family for Valentine's Day. Usually the kids are in school on the actual day, so they receive a little present and valentine from Dave and me before school, and then dinner is definitely something they like, with a heart cake for dessert. But this was our first Valentine's Day at home since they've been old enough to know what the day entails, and I had plans for the entire day.

First of all, the kids love the cherry heart-shaped doughnuts from Weis (a seasonal special), so although I suggested heart shaped pancakes, they counter-suggested doughnuts. Well Dave headed out to Weis on Saturday morning and came back with prepackaged doughnuts, mostly stale, and not in flavors they really like. He said Weis didn't have any doughnuts in the cases, they were all packaged up like this, leading me to believe that the Weis employees must all have hot and heavy love lives that took them away from their cherry-doughnut-making jobs on V-Day. The kids were just happy to have doughnuts though and didn't complain (but I wanted a cherry doughnut and did plenty of whining to Dave).

After breakfast, Maddie and Jack (my two bakers) helped me prepare and bake the heart cakes. It was a Strawberry/Applesauce cake this year, made with pureed strawberries and applesauce and no oil. It was delicious, although it fell apart really easily. After it baked, I made a glaze for them to drizzle over their individual cakes (I drizzled the big cake).

My next plan for the day was for us to make soft pretzels, and then shape them into hearts. I had all the ingredients ready, although my flour was low. The recipe called for 6 1/4 cups, and it looked like I had 8 or so. We mixed the ingredients and set the bowl aside to rise for 2 hours. After its two hour rest, I checked it out...it had indeed risen, to the delight of Jack. But it looked wet. Really wet. I added some flour and tried to knead it in. I added more. And more. I added in ALL of my flour and it still stuck to me like honey! As I was now out of flour, I divided out the dough to each of the kids. Ben (such a smart boy) took one look at it and said, "I am NOT putting my hands in that!" And he left the table. Maddie and Jack were game, however, and they started playing with their dough balls. I tried to show them how to make a heart shape and soon gave up. It was just too sticky! Well, we plopped our dough on the cookie sheet, and Maddie brushed them with an egg wash and we sprinkled them with pretzel salt. Dave (Mr. Fix-It) came along, took one look, and decided he could not let these pretzels have such a sad and tragic end. He fiddled around with them, we baked them, and can you believe, they actually looked pretty good! I'm not sure how he did it, but they looked like hearts! They tasted good too... for about an hour. After that, they got increasingly chewy, and by the next day, I could barely rip them into smaller pieces. After a few hours, I couldn't let the kids eat them, as I was afraid it could be considered child abuse for knowingly allowing your child to break his or her jaw/teeth on baked goods.

The rest of the day went fairly well, although we went roller skating in the afternoon for the first time, which was a little stressful as Ben was crying because he couldn't make his wheels go (we got him tight wheels on purpose) and Jack was crying because he didn't like it and wanted to go home. Dave and I exchanged a few less-than-Valentine's-Day-like words with each other, and my armpits got really stinky for a few minutes there, but we made it through, and everyone was happy after the first 20 minutes or so.

Is it terrible to admit that I am looking forward to Valentine's Day 2011, which falls on a school day that year?

Meal Plan Update

Well, our week of kid chosen meals and conversational topics ends today, and I give it an enthusiastic thumbs-up! (Damn---I hate it when Dave's right!)

If you recall, each child chose the meal for an evening and was then responsible for the direction of the conversation. Because the meals were kid friendly, there was very little complaining (in fact, Ben gave Maddie a big hug when he realized she chose hot dogs as her meal!) The main problem here is that kid friendly meals aren't always the most nutritious choice, so I know the whining will be back the next time I design the menu. However, the best part of the meal was the talking that took place around the table. It took a day or two for it to really kick in, but they loved telling us what to talk about, and everyone joined in the conversations with very few stops for correctional words and nasty looks from mom for burping or for the catapulting of food across the table.

Here were the topics:
-Dave-What would you do if you were president?
-Beth-What would you do with a million dollars? What are your 3 favorite foods?
-Maddie-What is your favorite candy? What is your favorite fruit?
-Ben-What would you do with 100 dollars? What are your favorite songs?
-Jack-What cars do you like? What do you like at the beach?

They didn't do well with Dave's president question...it was a little too abstract or something. Their answers revolved more around how they would behave as president for the day, i.e. "I would go bowling because there's a bowling alley in the White House", although Ben did decide he would shorten the school day! They loved thinking about and talking about their favorites all week, and Maddie's answer to what she would do with a million dollars? Take a bath in a gold bathtub filled with Sprite. And she'd have a straw handy.

Thier insights were interesting and they were so busy thinking about their answers and listening to everyone else, that very little time was left for complaining and horseplay.

Yay us! Maybe someday we'll move on to politics and current events, but for now, I'm just so thrilled that our meal time was actual quality time, that I'll take it as is.

Taste of Spring

Last week Jack asked me if he could give God a call. Apparently, he wanted to ask him to end winter now and get summer started. Well, we didn't actually make the call, but we did include the request in his nightly prayers, and look what happened! Yesterday we had highs in the 60's! (I may ask Jack to pray for new shoes for mommy tonight).

Anyway, he and I took a walk around the neighborhood, drew all over the driveway with chalk, rode around the street on our scooters, and enjoyed several swing rides. When Maddie and Ben came home from school, a game of kickball got started in our cul-de-sac. What was great was that it was kid engineered from start to finish. Not a single adult felt the need to pitch the ball, intervene in disputes, or just hang out and watch. I was pushing Jack on the swing during much of the game and could hear the shouts and laughs and I think I enjoyed the game as much as they did!

Of course, overnight it was so windy, I think I slept in 15 minute shifts. When the wind blows around here, the house literally sounds like it is about to jump off the foundation and take flight. The floorboards creek, the fireplace rattles, the siding shakes, the windows leak air, and I swear I hear the rabbits in our backyard squeaking, "Doooorothy! Dorothy! Get down in this hole now!"

So this morning, our warmth is gone, our winter is back, the lawn furniture is on the pool cover, and the rabbits are plotting a way to tunnel into our basement. Hmph. Stupid groundhog and his stupid shadow.

Meal Plan

Dinner time is one of my least favorite times of day. We have no Norman Rockwell scene going on here around our table. I can name on one hand the meals all three children will eat without complaining, so invariably there is whining about the meal from at least one child. Also, our manners are deplorable. About 6 months ago I tried a trick I read in a magazine: each child got 5 toothpicks at the beginning of the meal. For each rude act, the guilty child lost a toothpick. Anyone with zero toothpicks left at the end of the meal lost their dessert (which is generally leftover Halloween/Christmas/Valentine candy, etc.) I laid the rules out ahead of time: No bathroom talk, no loud burping, don't offend the cook, say please and thank you, etc. And do you know---it worked! In fact I was able to stop using the toothpicks after about a week, and they continued with good manners. But we are back to rudeness again.

Dave, on his own, decided last night that he'd had enough, and he laid out a plan for this week. Each person picks a meal (planned fairly healthfully with me, i.e. it's no birthday meal free-for-all) one day this week, and is also responsible for the direction of the conversation during the meal. I go first, then Maddie, Ben, Jack and Dave. Dave led the conversation last night as an example for the rest of us..."What was the funniest thing that happened to you today?" etc. I have to admit, I was a little peeved that he hadn't checked with me first, but it does seem like it shows some promise.

So our meals for the week are
Beth-Buffalo chicken wraps
Maddie-hot dogs, sauerkraut and potato wedges, grapes
Ben-tacos
Jack-spaghetti with meat sauce, salad
Dave-pizza (it's Fri night)

Two things are surprising here. One is that Maddie chose hot dogs! She loves quiche, it's always her first choice when she gets to pick supper, and her second choice is usually quesadillas. This sort of leads me to surprise number two: no one chose a meal merely to annoy a sibling (in fact, in the case of the hot dogs, Maddie chose them knowing Ben preferred hot dogs to quiche). Let me interject a little side story...Maddie's birthday was in January, and for her birthday meal she chose (surprise, surprise) quiche, broccoli,an egg roll from the Chinese restaurant just for her and of course, birthday cake. Ben was MAD! Because of his dairy allergy, Ben had never eaten quiche before, but with his allergy disappearing, he tried it for the first time in December and did not like it (we're finding he doesn't have a taste for anything with cheese in it, even pizza). So he took Maddie's choice as a personal affront. He asked her at dinner that night, "Maddie what meal do you hate the most?" She answered that she hated anything with fish (she can hardly gag fish down). "Well then, for my birthday dinner we are having fish!" he announced. I said, "But Ben, you don't like fish either!" He thought about it, but decided the sacrifice would be worth it for getting back at Maddie for choosing quiche. Hmmm. I guess there's logic in there somewhere, but I haven't found it yet.

Well, anyway, I'll let you know at the end of the week how Dave's plan worked, and in the meantime, I'm working on my conversation starters for tonight...

Senior Moments

So I was I-M-ing my friend Carol last night when the subject of Alzheimer's Disease came up. It came up because we were discussing a movie from the 80's and she had forgotten some of the bits about this and that. She blamed it on early Alzheimer's, and I was right there with her, because at 41 years old I seem to be getting very forgetful. Maybe it's a normal part of aging, but I feel really dumb, A LOT of the time. And it's not just forgetting what word to use (although I do that a lot too..."Maddie, can you put the plate on the...the....the..." "The table, Mom?" "Uh, yeah, the table, right, the TABLE.") I've decided to blame it on
-aging, perimenopause
-enjoying myself in college maybe just a little too much
-pregnancy (I still say they sucked me dry of more than breast milk)
-staying home with the kids, not engaging in intelligent discussions for weeks at a time, and purposely dumbing down the vocab. for the rugrats.

So here are some of my early Alzheimer's signs (if I can remember them all -ha, ha):

Recently I left home to pick up Maddie and Ben from school for about the hundredth time. As I was driving there, I started to think about the fact that they got out of school at 2:30, which is awfully early, I was thinking, because I only got out of school that early in high school. And then it hit me. They don't dismiss at 2:30. It's at 3:30. For some reason, I set out a whole hour early absolutely thinking dismissal time was an hour earlier.

A few years ago, I was talking to Dave about a friend of mine from church, but I couldn't come up with her name. I tried describing her to Dave. He suggested I was talking about Brenda. "No," I said. "That's not it." I described her some more. "Beth, you're talking about Brenda Wasilewski." "No!" I said. "Her name is not Brenda!" And you know, it was. Brenda, who'd been to my house, I've been to her Pampered Chef parties, our children had playdates, etc. I completely disconnected her name from her person.

Twice I have worn my slippers out in a public place. One time was to Kindermusic. One time was to Sunday morning mass.

After Jack was born, I was almost done addressing/stamping all of my thank-you notes, when I realized that I had put the stamps on the top-left corner of the envelope, and the address labels in the right. AAAAGH! It never occurred to me that it looked wrong until card #34 or something like that! For future reference, I called the post office and they said it didn't matter, they'd deliver them anyway. I was mortified that everyone would think I couldn't handle even simple tasks anymore, but I couldn't make myself buy more stamps and do it again (I was thrifty AND lazy).

Once we showed up a week late for a party, because I remembered the date wrong.

One time I mixed up doctor appointments and went to Maddie's well visit instead of the dentist I was supposed be at. I raced across town to the dentist, then had to return in the afternoon for the doctor visit.


Dave blames it on disorganization and brain atrophy due to lack of use (ha! I remembered a big word like atrophy!) and threatens to buy me a Blackberry or PalmPilot-like device, which I'm sure I'd never figure out or use anyway, so I try to keep my degrading brain a secret from him as much as I can. But I know he knows.

In the meantime, I'm trying to do crossword puzzles, the Brain Age game on Maddie's DS (well, I'll do it on Ben's now that Maddie has vomited on hers...), and...um...lots of other grown-up, fancy-talk stuff. Like blogging!

Sick Kids

Okay, not a topic for the squeamish. But we've had a lovely case of the stomach virus in our house for about a week now. I got it first, it was all my fault. Damn grocery cart handles. Anyway, I'll skip the details except to say I lost about 4 pounds in 4 days. Woo hoo! Dave got it next, and of course his was worse than mine...or so he says. You know how husbands are.

Jackie was next, poor baby. The first 2 days weren't too bad, he actually got out of bed to vomit in the toilet all by himself! Lots of runny poopies, but again, he mostly made it to the toilet! The 3rd day, however, it hit him. In fact, in the middle of the night I heard a little crash coming from the kids' bathroom. I investigated and found him flat on his back in the dark. Scared me to DEATH! Anyway, he needed a drink and it seems he fell off the step stool in the dark and decided to just lay there and hope the water would make it into his mouth on its own. Or that mom would come and save the day (which I did). Got him a drink and back into bed. The next day he wouldn't walk anywhere. He kept saying his legs wouldn't work when he tried to walk. (I think he was just weak from lack of food and all the diarrhea). He sat on my lap while I sat to check my email, and he fell asleep on my shoulder! He stayed there for an hour and a half and I didn't mind one bit. How often does my wiggly boy sit still on my lap anymore! After his nap, he was better, and today he is his normal, bouncy self.

Of course, this morning Maddie sat down for breakfast and announced, "My belly hurts, I don't want to eat." Here we go again. Now Maddie is not a good sickie. And by that I mean, when she is sick, she is MISERABLE. And we are all miserable. So she lay on the sofa all morning, moaning, having cuddles and playing Monopoly with me. I snuck upstairs at one point to take a quick shower and was interrupted by Dave..."Maddie, just threw up, and I have a conference call in 2 minutes." (How conveeeenient.) The good news: she feels a little better! Not so much whining! The bad news: She threw up all over the sofa, down through the cushions, on her DS, on the floor, and she left a dribbly trail to the toilet, which, um, I don't think she used because the vomit was already decorating my living room.

I guess Ben is next. Luckily he is a good sickie.