Year In Review: Loser Instagram Photos

I showed you all of my good Instagram photos this year, didn’t I? But what about those that were left behind on my camera, the rejected, sad, blurry, boring, and subpar?  Don’t you think they deserve a chance?  If you believe in second rate photos, clap your hands!  That’s it!   Keep clapping!  I think it’s working!  OMG!  YOU DID IT!

                                                                                  Nice treads, dude.

Here’s me, annoyed with the photographer and the wait, at the pediatrician’s office:

I believe this is a blanket.

Ben’s execution was excellent, but he just couldn’t stick the landing:

                                                                                                  Nice boxers, dude.

Thomas Jefferson with a spray tan:

Surprise shot of me reading a book in bed:

Self-portrait:

He is a Greek god, I tell you!

Two surprise shots of me driving  (I am not drinking beer, that’s a Diet A&W Root Beer!):

               

Another self-portrait, this one by Ben in the mirror:

Here is Jack trying out his glow bracelets.  Two are hanging on his ears, and the other two are…hanging from…something else, I think:

                       Happy New Year!

Christmas Hangover

Have you seen The Hangover?  The first time I saw that movie was with friends, and we laughed the entire way through it, in fact, we laughed so much my stomach hurt afterwards.  It must not have hurt too badly though because I went home and told Dave he had to see it too, and then I dragged him to it the next night.  Even though I knew when the jokes were coming, I still laughed, in fact I laughed ahead of them in giddy anticipation.

The movie is not for the kiddos, or for those easily offended, because the humor is often crude, the language is generally salty, and the situations are definitely Adult.

On Christmas Eve, Dave told me about an idea he had for my blog.  What if we were to take our Christmas pictures and make them into a montage similar to the one at the end of The Hangover (this montage, if you haven’t seen it, fills in the blanks of the movie in photo form…because the premise of the movie was that the characters couldn’t remember what they had done the night before). 

Ours would definitely be G rated, and would include lots of staged photos.  Remember that…the photos are staged!  He and I had a lot of fun on Christmas thinking of things to photograph, and the kids were mostly good sports (we ignored their occasional eye rolls).

Dave was the one who put the whole thing together though, the day after Christmas, and I love it!  Well done, honey!

Please enjoy this look at our (mostly not real) Christmas morning!

Of course, I’ve already thought of a bunch of picture ideas that it’s too late to use, like putting Herbie the guinea pig on the piano while Jack plays a song (like the chicken on the piano in the movie), so pretend there’s a photo like this in there.

I am currently knee deep putting together Playmobil toys.  The language in my head is not so G rated  at times, let me tell you. More on that in a future post.

Merry Christmas!

On Friday, Ben’s teacher showed the class a website where they could choose a card design, write a message, and email it to a loved one. The class was told to write a message to the recipient. 

Sometimes your children send a message to you from their hearts, and you become filled with the joy of Christmas.

This is not one of those messages.

Because sometimes, instead of a heartwarming sentiment, they remind you how much they hate gnocchi (m’nyucky) and plan on never eating it again, ever, though I’m sure he typed it with love in his heart for his dear mama.  He really is scarred over the few times I’ve made gnocchi for supper.  He is a picky eater, and complains at many meals, but gnocchi brings him literally to tears. 

I thought I’d end with a (blurry) photo of my Christmas card, since so many of you helped me make a decision. 

I hope you are having a Merry, Gnocchi-Free Christmas, wherever you are!

Bangs and More

I was going through some old photos looking for that lost parade photo of my dad and me in our giant bow ties, and found this cute one (of me, who else).

It was my kindergarten picture, however my mom had them do retakes because she was so embarrassed at how bad my bangs looked.  (Go ahead, look up there again.) (I think she only had this particular photo because it was stapled to my kindergarten file folder.)

Apparently, my bangs grew out enough by picture retake time so that my mom was able to re-trim them to her liking.

There were a few more bad bang pictures:

Why was my hair always higher on the left side?  It’s a mystery that may never be solved.

Eventually she just got rid of the bangs and the problem was solved.

And then there was the worst photo shoot ever.  I have so many bad photos from this particular shoot, and it is another mystery why my mother bought any of them.  Maybe for a good laugh? Here is the worst:

 

But at least we got this awesome one of my baby brother Jesse out of it:

There’s a nonexistent zucchini in it for the person who gives this photo the best caption down in the comments. 

And since you’ve stuck with me this long, would you like to see a picture of me baring my midriff?

Oh yeah.  I knew how to rock shorts that were pulled up to my ribcage.

Weekend Update

 

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‘Twas the weekend before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even the guinea pig.

(Photo below is of a relaxing guinea pig…not a dead one…just wanted to inform you before you scrolled down…because he looks kinda dead even though he isn’t.)

For some reason, whenever Maddie holds Herbie, she is able to get him to relax back into this position.  No one else can do this with him.  But the minute she picks him up he leans back and lets it all hang out.  It’s actually a little weird. 

Anywho, we had a busy weekend.  It started out with Christmas Bunko on Friday night.  I think I rocked my ugly Christmas sweater, and if prizes were given for the best yarn illustration of caroling, sequin-studded reindeer, I’d have totally won.

                                                                               But prizes were not given.  Boo.

On Saturday I made the cookies for my cookie exchange.  This year I made  Gingerbread Blossoms, which is like a Peanut Blossom, but is a soft gingerbread cookie and a Hershey Hug.  They were good, but not great, so I won’t be sharing the recipe with you.  You’re welcome.  Anyway, Dave and the kids unwrapped about 120 Hershey Hugs and then Jack glued a whole bunch of the wrappers to a Pop-Tart box which kept him busy all afternoon (awesome!), and Maddie made this:

A Hershey Hug snowman.  I thought it was pretty darn cute.  But not as cute as this:

       Yes.  They put giant underwear on Eugene, Jack’s bear.  I think Eugene is digging it though.

On Saturday night we were invited to a caroling party!  There was a craft while the movie Elf played, then we walked around the neighborhood and caroled (using little light up candles from Oriental Trading that were adorable), and then we headed back to the host’s house for cookies and a Hot Cocoa Bar!  It was such a fun night!

On Sunday, I raced around like a crazed madman cleaning the house and getting ready for my cookie exchange.  Dave and the children cowered in fear. 

Everyone brought food to share and of course cookies, and we had a gorgeous, delicious spread. 

There was also a Hot Cocoa Bar, although I didn’t take a photo of it.  I made homemade hot chocolate for the first time, and it was really delicious.  In addition to the hot chocolate, there were three kinds of marshmallows, candy canes for stirring, Reddi Whip for giving it that fahncy Starbucks look, and some Smirnoff Fluffed Marshmallow vodka to make it extra happy hot chocolate.  I had planned to keep the hot chocolate recipe secret, because I was afraid if my friends found out there was a can of sweetened condensed milk in there (130 calories per tablespoon-ack) no one would drink it.  But I’ll share the recipe with you now because it was easy and very yummy and too late!  All those skinny women who drank it are reading this and cursing me and shaking their fists at me and putting on their running shoes right now to make up for it.  

Crockpot Hot Chocolate

1- 1/2 c. heavy cream (I used half and half)

1 can sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated milk!)

1 bag of milk chocolate chips

6 c. milk (I used a little more to fill up my crockpot, maybe 2 additional cups)

1 t. vanilla

Put all of the ingredients in a crockpot, stir, cover, and cook on low for two hours, whisking frequently as chocolate chips melt.

I got this recipe from pinterest, which led me to this blog which had the original recipe.  Thank you Mrs. Happy Homemaker!

 

And now the weekend is over, it’s the Monday before Christmas, and my Benjy is home sick with me today.  There’s a stomach virus going around right now, but so far he’s just got a fever. 

I’m just hoping I didn’t have a secret influenza ingredient in the hot chocolate… Sorry everyone.

Behind the Scenes

Don’t you just love having insider information?  Like for instance, while watching It’s a Wonderful Life the other weekend, Dave mentioned that in the scene where Uncle Billy walks drunkenly offscreen and you hear a loud clatter and then Uncle Billy yells, “I’m okay!”, and you assume he ran into some garbage cans or something…well, the loud clatter actually came from a clumsy stagehand and both Uncle Billy and Jimmy Stewart played along.  The director liked it so much he decided to keep it in the movie.  After Dave told me that little nugget, I googled the movie for more little facts and found out lots of other cool trivia, and if you’re interested, you can find it here.

It made me wonder if there might just be an audience out there interested in some “Dirty Laundry” trivia! 

<sound of crickets chirping>

Well, here’s the thing.  Too bad.

1.  Did you know that people often arrive on my website because they have googled something?  I am honestly still thrilled when I see that Google has pointed someone in my direction, like I’m an expert on Jimmy Stewart trivia or dirty laundry or something!  I can see on my “Dashboard” (what Blogger calls my control panel) what a person has googled in order to come to me.  And basically:

-people in Australia are looking for a Barbecue Chicken Pie recipe.

-people in the UK google “Angry Birds claw machine” an awful lot.  I wish I knew why.

-people in the UK are also interested in willow tree root systems.  They get directed to my chair post a lot.

-at Easter, I get tons of hits for the Bunny cake and at every holiday, people are looking for the M&M pretzel recipe and Mini Oreo Cheesecakes.

-I have had a lot of people looking for a “dirty house poem” which leads them to this, which makes me glad my name isn’t attached to it.

-the most searched for phrase is “mini oreo cheesecake bites” with 573 searches.

2.  This particular blogpost is my 338th.

3.  Goldfish crackers and Diet Coke keep me (non-nutritionally) fueled for (non)optimum written output. 

4.  Strangely, the keys on my keyboard occasionally make a happy crunching sound when I am furiously typing away.  I wish I knew why.

5.  There is another mystery going on that I haven’t been able to figure out.   According to my Dashboard, I receive the most referrals from a website called “Happy Brown House”, in fact, I have had 1,516 people referred to me because of that site (which is even more than Google, which came in second place).  I have gone to that site and searched for why that could be.  Am I listed in the sidebar as a blog she follows?  Did she link to one of my recipes?  Maybe the blogger for that site is a stalker who checks out what my blog is doing ten times a day?  No, no, and maybe.  I have found no good reason for that blog to give me so many referrals though.  Now I will be polite and refer you back.

6.  Although you would expect the United States to be my largest audience, and it is, you wouldn’t expect South Korea to be my second largest, now would you?  (They’ve given me 640 hits!)

7.  Do you remember the original title for my blog?  It was the very lame “Howls and Growls from the Wolfepack”.  I hated that the minute I adopted it but couldn’t think of anything cute or clever.  I’m not crazy about “Dirty Laundry” either, but I think it’s too late to change that now.  If I were to change it though, I think I would possibly change it to “Guinea Pigz ‘n’ Stuff”.

8.  Waiting in my blogpost queue are 8 unfinished blogposts.  Posts I begin that I can’t finish for some reason, posts that seemed like a good idea at the time but fizzled out, and just some really bad stuff that I should probably delete, because what if they accidentally get published some day?  That would be even more embarrassing than you knowing I pick up worms with my fingers. 

9.  Thanks to my blog, I am a published author! 

Proof I am an author:

I spent much of November using Blurb to convert my blogposts into a book.  I was trying to beat the November 28 deadline so I’d get 20% off the price, and I made it, by just a tiny bit.  The kids knew what I was doing because I spent many, many, many, many, many, many hours at the computer, and they were all annoyed impressed.  At one point, Jack asked me if lots of people would be buying my book and would we be rich, to which I answered, “My child, we are already rich in love.”  And then he looked at me funny so I admitted that the book was just for us, and that’s when he lost interest and went off to play with his cars.

But I love it.

 

10.    Contrary to popular opinion, this blog is not ghostwritten by the guinea pig.   Just get that one right out of your head, people.  He may give me ideas, keep me well supplied in goldfish, occasionally massage my tense shoulders, download and edit my photos, and take dictation, but he does not write this blog.

Well.  He hardly ever writes my blog.

Parade Time

Maddie and Jack were both in (separate) holiday parades this year!

First up is Maddie.  My dad conducts one of those little community bands made up mainly of older men.  He asked if Maddie might like to join his band for the parade, thinking it would be nice to give her a little experience with public playing.  She was actually a little hesitant to come out of her comfort zone and be in a band with a bunch of old dudes she didn’t know (except Grandpa), but when he told her that the band members got paid, she agreed!

Here they are before the parade.  It reminded me so much of another photo my mom took of me and my dad before a similar parade 30 years ago.  We are both wearing white shirts and giant black bowties, and I am cringing with embarrassment,worrying who would see me in that parade wearing a giant black bowtie…but I can’t find it!  I’m glad Maddie is more mature than I was and is not cringing at all.

Here she is going by us:

The darn parade donation truck was going by at the exact same time, so this is the only picture I got without a red truck in front of her!

Then last weekend, this fella was in our local holiday parade:

                                                          My Tiger Scout…don’t you just love a man in uniform?

Here he is, marching with Dave!

Bye, Handsome. 

Ben and his friend Nathan did their parts as Spectators and Candy Gatherers:

And look!  There’s my friend Kris!

What a great way to kick off the holiday season!

Peppermint Meringues

Every Halloween I make my Boo Meringues for our neighborhood Halloween party, and this year I decided to try to adapt that recipe into a Christmas meringue.

I figured I’d add some crushed Starlight Mints, crushed by my Right Hand Man/Destroyer-of-All-Things-in-The-House-Guy who took to the task with relish.

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No.  Not that kind of relish.

In hindsight, some of those pieces are too big.  They didn’t pipe through the bag very well.  Crush yours finer than we did!

Then I made my regular meringue recipe, but substituted peppermint extract for the vanilla and mixed in the crushed mints and then added some green food coloring.

Bad picture….I took this at night in low light, and now they’ve all been eaten and I can’t take another.  Boo.

However, I wish I had either added more green or just left them white.  They look a little…sickly.  But they do taste great!

Peppermint Meringues

3 large egg whites

1/2 t. cream of tartar

1/2 c. granulated sugar (I lowered the sugar from the original recipe because I count the sugar from the crushed mints)

1/2 t. peppermint extract

about 20 crushed Starlight Mints

green food coloring…maybe

-Line baking sheets with parchment paper and preheat oven to 200 degrees.
-In a metal bowl, with mixer at high speed, whip egg whites with cream of tartar to a thick foam.  Continue to beat and add sugar 1 tablespoon every 30 seconds, then whip until meringue  holds very stiff peaks.
-Beat in peppermint extract and crushed starlight mints (and maybe green food coloring!).
-Spoon meringue into a gallon sized ziploc bag and cut off a corner.  Pipe meringue onto cookie sheets into “kiss” shapes, set fairly close together, they will not expand when they bake.
-Bake at 200 degrees for 1 1/4 hours, then turn off the oven, but leave meringues inside for an additional hour.  Remove, allow to cool, then slide off with a spatula.  Enjoy!

I'm linking this recipe with other great recipes at Foodie Friday.  Check it out!