Interview with the Pig

We know who is the real star of this blog.  Not Jack the baby, or Maddie the Big Girl, nor Ben the Poopie Head (Jack’s words, not mine), and sadly not Dave nor [sniff, sniff] even me.

 I am cute, and I know it.  Oh come let us adore me.

I’ve had so many requests for more Herbie, it’s actually getting a little annoying.  My kids are cute, people, and they don’t appreciate being upstaged by a rodent.  But I’m all about keeping my fans happy.  I’m a pleaser.  So I decided to interview Herbie, hoping this would calm you all the heck down.

~

Me:  So, Herbie, what do you do all day when we’re not here?

Herbie: SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Me:  Could you be more specific?

Herbie:  SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Me:  Alrighty, then, carrots or cantaloupe?

Herbie: SQUEAK!

Me:  I know this is a delicate subject, but the word on the street is your girlfriend, Ginger, may be expecting your child(ren).  Are you prepared to take responsibility?

Herbie:  [runs under log and hides]

Me:  Isn’t that how it always goes.  Men are pigs.  Literally, in your case.  Tee Hee!  I crack myself up!  See, because you’re a guinea PIG! 

Herbie:  [sticks nose out from under log and giggles or perhaps sneezes]

Me:  Anywho, if you could move your cage to any room in the house, where would you move it?

Herbie: SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Me:  Dude, I’m not putting you on the piano. 

Herbie:  SQUEAK! (content censored) SQUEAK!

Me:  That was totally uncalled for.  Clean up your attitude and your mouth, mister, or I’m putting your cage in Jack’s room.

Herbie: [several moments of silence combined with cowering in fear under log]

Me:  I thought so.  Now, back to the interview.  [In baby voice:]Who loves you?  Yes!  Mama does!  Mama loves her piggie!  Who’s the cutest little fella around?  Yes!  It’s our sweet little Herbie Derbie!  Who wants a carrot?  Mwah!  Mwah! Mwah!

Herbie:  SQUEAK!

Me:  I love you too, Herbie.  Shh.  Don’t tell the kids, but I think you might be my favorite.  Although they earn definite points for taking care of their own toilet issues.  Seriously.  What’s with all of the poop?

Herbie:  SQUEAK!  SQUEAK!  A-SQUEEEEEAK!

Me:  Fine, I will omit that question from the published interview.  Work on that though, would you?

Herbie: squeak.

Me:  Well, I think that’s all we have time for.  Anything else you’d like to say to your fans?

Herbie:  SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!  SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

Me:  Well, that was certainly profound and will surely give our readers something to think about.  Thanks for sharing your time and heart with your fans, Herbie!

Herbie:  SQUEAK!