Glom

Dave tells me that my blog is taking too long to load, which usually means that I have too many posts with pictures which means it’s time for me to do some actual writing and stop relying on my photos to do the talking, which means I must squeeze my eyes shut and cajole my brain into coming up with some sort of idea  ‘round which to write.

But I really can’t come up with a solid multi-paragraph topic.  So how about a conglomeration of ideas?  A glom, I will call it, which sounds pretty fancy, when you think about it.

So, Ben is the Star of the Week at school, which means more work for me that he must bring in something special to share each day.  But this is his second time being Star of the Week and he doesn’t know what to take in.  I woke up last night and had an idea (I also woke up at a different time last night with the terrible thought that the guinea pig may have fleas because we’ve been letting him roam in the grass outside… is it any wonder the bags under my eyes look packed for vacation?) that I would show him a card trick and he could show his class during SOTW time and be a Magic Hero!

So I showed him.  It involved peeking at one card to clue you in on the card your “pigeon” was looking at.  When I explained it to him, he said, “But mom, that’s not magic, you’re just going through the cards picking out the right one.”  I explained that, yes indeed, I AM doing that, but it is amazing how I know which card to pick!  Then, with tears in his eyes, he said, “But that’s a trick, I thought you were going to show me magic!”  Which was when I explained there was no magic, it was all tricks, and he looked totally crestfallen and I realized I had just cruelly ripped away a tiny piece of his childhood.

He took his iPod to school to show his class.

Next up in the glom, it’s that time of year when people open their car windows so their dogs can stick their heads out to enjoy the breeze.  Whenever I am driving and see this, I say to the kids, “Oh, well, that’s just so sad.”  This will get their attention.  “What!? What!?” they yell (let’s face it, we all like to rubberneck at sad things).  So I say, “Just look at that kid in the car next to us.  Well, that is just the ugliest kid I ever saw.  All that hair on his face.  And that long nose.  And those ears, my gosh, that poor kid must get teased a lot.”

And they will protest and say, “Mom!  That’s a dog!  Not a kid!”  And I will deny it and boo-hoo the fact that the kid isn’t even buckled in, so it’s sad and dangerous, and I think I may need to call 911 to report this.  And there’s lots of laughing and the kids think I am HI-larious!  Probably in a few years they will be rolling their eyes at me and saying, “Mother.  Enough with the Ugly Kid Who’s a Dog joke.  It hasn’t been funny since the Obama administration.”  But for now I am THE BEST.

Finally, speaking of open windows, a gentle reminder to all you parents out there, that when your windows are open, you must yell at your children with kindness and respect, as all of your neighbors can hear your business.  Now, I am generally not a yeller.  I am more of a sigher.  Like, “<sigh> Who used permanent markers here on the carpet??? <sigh>”  But I do get worked up, and Dave is good at giving me an elbow to the ribs coupled with a chin point to the open window to remind me that the neighbors are in for a show if I don’t take it down a notch.

When I was a kid, we knew we were in trouble when mom (yes, the same person who takes my children on candy sprees) started closing the windows of the house.   Someone was about to get it! 

And it wasn’t going to be chocolate coated and sprinkled with gummy bears.